Archive for April, 2008

:: confused ::

April 30, 2008 at 2:06 pm · Filed under On Everything Else, On Music, On School

Been on song itches all morning. First it was John Mayer’s “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room”, then it was “Crank That” from Soulja Boy..and now, “What Hurts The Most” by Boyce Avenue.

Hrms.

What hurts the most…
Is being so close…
And having so much to say…
And watching you walk away…

I’m just weird lah. First i want to slow dance, then want to *crank it*, whatever that means, and now i just want to wallow in a pool. Stoopid.

And i can’t freakin’ find Proton’s SWOT analysis. *furious*

I hate assignments. :((((( Help me, Lord. *sigh*

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:: on these things ::

April 28, 2008 at 7:54 pm · Filed under On Everything Else, On Love, On Music, On Personal Stuff, On School

On music,
…i had the itch of Kasey Chambers, “Am I Not Pretty Enough?” in my head all day. Thanks, Sookie, for making the itch disappear :)

On AFW2851’s test,
…it went okay. I’m convinced that MCQs just ain’t my thing, though.

On MGW3401’s poster presentation,
…crap. Crashed and burned in that one. *laughs* I still think it’s a waste of time. Isn’t it ironic how a class of 20 gets reduced to 6 on poster presentation days? =.=”

On preparing my message for OA,
…Lord, talk to me. I don’t want to be dependent on me and speak of words that are not from You. There’s no power in that.

On thinking of assignments due,
…i promise i will finish them all before OA. I have to. *groans*

On thinking of food,
…mocha mud pie. I miss you.

On the movies i’ve watched,
…i think it’s about time for another chick flick. Or at least something with Tom Hanks in it. Forbidden Kingdom, is not what it claims to be. Be warned.

On you,
…i was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, i wished that i could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there.

On You,
…help me fight the good fight. I don’t just wanna lift roofs. I want to lift the floor.

**************************************************

I know i should try harder. Why do you see right through me?
I hates ze feeling of being invizible.

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:: long weekend ::

April 27, 2008 at 10:41 pm · Filed under On Everything Else, On Life, On School

It’s been a loo…oooooong weekend. Seriously.

But i realised, this is *normal*. This is what i do every week. And this is what God has called me to do for this season. How can i ask for anything more?

God pours His favor upon me so much that i seriously can’t complain. Favor with lecturers. Favor with musicians, haha. Favor with different ones that i just can’t explain la. It’s really all Him :)

Someone asked me today how i handle everything… :)

It’s God’s grace. Nothing else.

Sigh, i can only pray that you’ll understand someday…

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On another note, Ellie’s got an AFW2851 test AND a poster presentation tomorrow. Both of which are undone. Whoop-dee-doo.

Pray for her. Seriously.

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:: ponderings ::

April 26, 2008 at 9:21 pm · Filed under On Life, On Love, On Music

I had a really interesting day today.

Went out for breakfast with Addy and Krystle this morning. Curry chee cheong fun. Yum. It’s been ages, babes :) After breakfast, Addy and i sat in her car talking about a multitude of things. Lols. Our conversation spanned across many areas…future career paths, my pending orang asli (OA) trip, our non-existent love lives, our views on religion and heck, even politics.

It’s been so long since i last had such an *adult* conversation. Serious stuff ok.

One of the areas we spent talking bout most is of course, the *ideal* boyfriend. Girls mah. And we’re of that age where hormones are racing and all that nonsense.

Aaaaanyways, we both discovered…that we’re not looking for boyfriends. Lol. If our track record is anything to go by…i think we’re looking for husbands. *laughs*

But it’s interesting to note, both of us have just not found what we’re looking for. And might i safely say, not even close. It’s not high expectations. It’s not jual-mahal-ing. Whatever that is. It’s not even that we look forward to being spinsters at the end of the day. It’s just the plain simple fact that….

…we’ve not found what we’re looking for.

I don’t see what’s so difficult to understand that a girl at our age, has never had a relationship before. Tell you what, Addy, we’ve got something to be proud of. Market share tinggi. Hahaha.

I stand by my ideal that i’d like my first boyfriend to be my last. And i believe that true love waits. He’s worth the wait, me thinks.

Heck, *i* am worth the wait.

*******************************************************

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing fingertips
It burned like a fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongues of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

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:: two kinds ::

April 23, 2008 at 9:49 pm · Filed under On Life, On Personal Stuff

I spent the entire day at home today. I’ve not done that in i-don’t-know-how-long. Am amazed of the fact. Which is prolly why when mom said i can’t go play badminton at 9pm, i didn’t put up a fight. Heh.

Quiet nights are lovely. When it is spent wisely.

I like it how God refreshes and instills newfound passion into the things that we do. Sometimes we get into the motions and forget the reason why we do stuff. Sometimes we burn out and do stuff on a need-to-know basis. I’m reminded that it’s not the way to live.

Not when He came to give life and life more abundantly.

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There are two kinds of people : those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, “All right, then, have it your way.” - C.S.Lewis

May i never be the latter.

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:: superman ::

April 23, 2008 at 12:35 am · Filed under On Music, On Personal Stuff

I simply love “Superman” by Mia Palencia.

I’m in one of my modes right now. The one where i start thinking of when *my* Superman would come. Random, isn’t it?

You make me laugh. A lot :)

Why ah? *frowns*

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:: blast from the past ::

April 19, 2008 at 11:26 am · Filed under On Life, On Memories

Talking about my journey with someone reminded me of this. Thought i’d put it up for keepsake. Even if the writing is so very young.

Who is me, i wonder?

I used to be that girl you see who’s self-esteem was so low, she looked to her friends so often that she was dependent on them for confidence. I was that short and fat be-spectacled girl, who never got the same attention as the other girls in school. I was that girl, who tried her best in school, but was always being compared to the smarter ones. The girl who sat in the middle, cause being in front meant she had to answer questions and she didn’t have the guts to, and being in the back, meant she couldn’t see the blackboard. Lols.

I was that girl who couldn’t decide on what she wanted. I was that girl who was always uncertain, and fearful of things she couldn’t understand. I was that girl who fell in love only to have those feelings unreturned. That girl whose heart you broke because she wasn’t the one you wanted her to be. I was that girl who pretended she knew what she wanted in life, how to get it, and where she’d be ten years from now. But in reality, one who floated in the air, going wherever the wind took her.

But i’m not that girl anymore. Or at least, i try not to be.

I’m not lost or uncertain. Cause i’ve found myself in Him that made me. I may not know where i’d be ten years from now, but i know that i’m made the way He has thought me to be and He’s written my story even before i was born. I am someone in Christ. And having that precious thought with me, i walked with it. I run. And one day, i shall fly.

I’m just like you in many ways :) I still have two eyes, two ears, one nose and mouth. I am, however, new in Christ. He changes me to be more like Him every single day. And i humble myself before Him knowing that i need those changes.

Why, you say?

Because we need to change at some point. The world needs changes and i’d like to see them. What better way to start than to change myself first :) *plays Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror”* I need to be just a lil’ bit different that i may change those around me.

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
And what was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You, and how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be as You are recreating me
Summer autumn winter spring.

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:: relief ::

April 13, 2008 at 11:51 pm · Filed under On Personal Stuff

I am back.

Devil, go away. You have no hold on me, in Jesus’ name.

Lord, refresh and pour out Your new annointing. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Please.

I’m ready. Let’s go :)

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:: the 81st post ::

April 12, 2008 at 9:59 pm · Filed under On Memories, On Music

I’m sick. And i’m emo.

What you gonna do about that, huh?! *glares at nobody*

DREAMS

I believe there’s a man in a secret lair
With bottles piled up high
I believe they call him the Dream Maker
He might send you a nice one tonight

And I want to meet with him face to face
Cause I’d like to strike a deal
I’ll sign all of my dreams away
In exchange for something real

Cause what you see is what you get and
All is as it seems
And I want to love him all my life
If only in my dreams

I believe there’s a woman in a quiet cave
As old and wise as the Earth
I believe they call her the Oracle
She knows every death and every birth

And I want to meet with her face to face
Cause I’d like to ask her how
I can be with him all of my days
My thens and all my nows

Cause what you see is what you get and
All is as it seems
And I want to love him all my life
If only in my dreams

Please, Mr Dream maker, take what you will
Please, Mrs Oracle, I think you know how I feel

I believe there’s a someone for everyone
And a soul in every song
I believe there’s a hole inside my heart the size of you each time you’re gone

And I want to be with you all my days
So why not strike a deal?
I’ll give you all I have in me
We’ll make love something real

Cause what you see is what you get and
All is as it seems
And I want to love him all my life
If only in my dreams

But if you decide to go,
I know just what that means
I know I’ll love you all my life
If only in my dreams.
- Mia Palencia-

I just want some real sleep. With nice dreams. Mr Dream-Maker, care to ask for a wee bit of magic beams from your friend, Mr Sandman? Tell him to bring me a dream and I’ll give you a penny.

P/S : Mia Palencia is performing for UFO @ 5pm on the 27th April 2008. You’ve got to be there :) Really.

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:: what i wouldn’t give ::

April 12, 2008 at 1:39 am · Filed under On Everything Else

….to stop blowing my nose.

Stoopid flu.

Be careful with what you wish for, it may just come true. =.=”

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