It’s such a bee-you-ti-ful day today.
And i read this.
So now i’m even more happy coz that totally describes how i feel :D
Even if that moment was SO last year.
Hee. Plus, AFW3841’s major assignment has been postponed to the 16th of May!!
Life is good :D
Slow day, it was.
The time between meeting and finally leaving is…
Sometimes called falling in love.
-Lisa Loeb’s Falling In Love-
I can make my peace with days like these.
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Something interesting i read.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
-Neil Gaiman-
Sometimes i wonder and ponder about how God works. He just works so differently that you can’t help but do just that. And i sit and i think and i realise, i’m just a speck of nothing-ness who deserves nothing-ness and yet, He loves me so.
Pastor’s message today really got to me. About tiredness, not physically but in every other area. I’ve not been able to quiet myself down. Everything’s just been so LOUD lately that it’s so hard to catch what He’s been trying to say to me.
Just reading my previous post alone, i can sense how restless i was. How i just wanted to take off and run away for a break. I really just want to be quiet. But i just can’t. Not lately, anyway.
All those things i wanna do…those are MY quick-fix’s. Those are just temporary things that i *could* do to take my mind off things.
But God doesn’t grant them. Why?
Because when i allow Him to work in my life as i *walk* with Him, and not run, He adds value to me. He allows me to go through challenges that i may learn how to overcome them. He just doesn’t do things for OUR convenience. Or OUR wants.
Sometimes i wonder, maybe i’m just not cut out for all of these things i’m to take hold of.
Then He reminds me again, it’s not by my own strength that i do these things, it’s by His grace that is sufficient for me.
Note to self : God has a reason for every little while. Take Your time with me, Lord. Just don’t give up.
I’ve been feeling like Mei lately.
Ellie is me from 10am to 10pm. Mei becomes me during all the times when i’m not with people. Or generally, after 10pm. Until i need to become a normal campus student again.
For the first time in my university years, i submitted my assignment late. By one day. It kinda sucks knowing that it *could* have been avoided. And i solemnly vowed in the beginning of the semester, that i’ll never do such a thing. And yet. Lols. I fail myself sometimes. But it felt very much like something Mei would do.
Thing is, I’m not sad. Just a little bit miffed. But not overly depressed as i thought i would be. God knows how *badly* that piece of work was anyway. Pffft.
Which brought me to another thought – I’ve changed.
I think i’m becoming more and more like Mei lately. Someone who is less afraid of things. More willing to adapt to changes. The one who’s learning to say NO. Ellie always says yes to things.
I can’t tell if i like the changes. Obviously, this is Ellie speaking.
But i do like harbouring thoughts such as these :
#1. Running around in the rain, singing “Kiss The Rain” at the top of my lungs.
#2. Dancing under streetlights in the middle of the night, observing shadows that are being cast down.
#3. Going to a bar and people-watch. Wondering why so many campus students would wanna waste their lives with spirits. (heehee, cool pun no?)
#4. Driving late nights with Lite FM accompanying me with its lovely smooth lounge and jazzy selections. The urge to just take off and drive to somewhere far far away is so strong, i have to pinch myself to convince myself that it’s NOT a very Ellie thing to do.
#5. Wanting so bad to go to a beach again. Watch the sunset, and sink my toes into soft warm sand. It’ll be so sweet to go to Phuket again. It was lovely sleeping on the beach and diving into lagoons where the depth was unknown and its contents were unknown too :D
Or maybe, just driving up to Genting for a one-day trip to spoil myself silly on the SpaceShot.
Randomness : It’ll be nice if someone bought me cotton candy too. I wonder how toffee apples taste like.
But i realised one thing, i can’t do these things alone. I miss having someone to cater to my every whim and fancy. Okay, maybe not cater. But to teman me fulfill every whim and fancy.
When are you coming home? :(
Or maybe i should be asking, will you ever come?
Note to self : What you don’t have or have never done, you can’t possibly miss.
Hey you :)
To the girl i’ve known for 14 years and still counting…
The one whom i shared books, CDs and toys…
The one who told me that skirts are not so bad after all…
The one who enlightened me that you CAN be girly…without being bimbo…
The one whom i share the same frequency…wavelengths…whatever…
The one who can finish my sentences…
The one who shares my McFlurry cravings…for no reason at all.
The one i watch “My Fair Lady” with and not be bored. Even after the millionth time.
The one whose only difference with me is that i EAT and LOVE chocolates… (you weirdo)
The one who knows my taste in boys :P
The only one who knows what my dream wedding would be like.
The one whom i made a pact with, “friendship over relationships”. Every time.
The one whom i can hang on the phone with for hours. No matter which country you’re in.
The one i know i can call and rant to, no matter how long we’ve not spoken to each other.
The one i know i can expect surprises, and yet not be surprised.
The one who amazes me with her zest for life and the craziness it entails.
The one i believe, has everything she’s ever wanted..and more :)
The one who believes in ME, whenever i’ve failed.
The one whom i’d like to call…my bestest friend. By age. By thoughts. By love.
Happy 21st birthday, sweetie. May *my* best friend in the heavens be with you even as i’m not on your special day.
Your guardian angel :)
