Archive for July, 2008

:: sleep ::

July 31, 2008 at 2:26 am · Filed under On Everything Else

I don’t have enough of it.

Oh I feel so tired
I cannot hardly keep open
My eyes
My thoughts are scattered
and I cannot say a word
and I can’t seen to remember
anything I’ve learned

Well do you have some of those days
When you can’t be who you wanna be
When you just need to close your eyes
Pull the covers up so high and drift away
and sleep so soundly
and dream profoundly
Cast all your cares on the
Only thing that you really need
and sleep so soundly.

-Sleep-Plumb-

Maybe, today i will :) I won’t trade You for java chips.

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:: i’ll try (part 2) ::

July 29, 2008 at 12:38 am · Filed under On Personal Stuff

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when i am weak, then i am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Amen.

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I had a good talk with my mentor. And different ones who noticed how upset i was. Thank you, for your kind words and encouragement.

I’m still flippin’ scared and bothered, but i’m working on it.

He who is in me is greater. And He is worthy of me giving it at least another try.

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:: i’ll try ::

July 28, 2008 at 12:15 am · Filed under On Personal Stuff

Flesh :

I DON’T EVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!! *cries*

Spirit :

“In You, O Lord, i have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness…let Your face shine on Your servant; save me in Your unfailing love. Let me not be put to shame, O Lord, for i have cried out to You…” – Psalm 31:1, 16-17

I tried. I’m still learning to NOT be so self-conscious. It’s hard, being on stage and all. But i’ll try. Less of me, more of You, Lord?

Leaders checklist :

#12 of Rest/Self Management – Learn to laugh, live and do not take yourself too seriously!

I’m working on it.

Edited : “If i have to make a fool of myself just to make people laugh and make God proud..i’ll do it a million times over.” – Quoted from Adopted Big Brother Figure

That did it for me. I feel much better now :) Thank you.

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:: 3R ::

July 26, 2008 at 11:27 pm · Filed under On Life, On Music

Went for an audition today. For AYA’s Choir Project with Mia Palencia. If we get selected, we’d be performing for AYA Dream Malaysia Awards 2008. Click here for more info!

In passing : Went for Sunrise Jazz & Rhythm Fest 08 with Sookie, Chester, ShiWei & Addy. Bern came to join us after. Met Matt Ong there after a gazilion years of not seeing him. Hahaha. Mia did awesome as usual. The sound system didn’t do her justice tho. I also got to hear Reza Salleh perform. After always hearing his name in the blogosphere, i finally saw him live. I must say, i was not disappointed :) I do believe there’s hope for the local music industry.

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Stayed in the rest of the day, mindlessly reading journals for FTV1010 and MGW3130. Tried to read a bit of Wally Lamb but decided it required too much thinking. So, i ended up watching some Hindi movie on TV3.

There’s some sort of satisfaction of knowing that there IS time to spend mindlessly doing things i’ve not done for ages. I’ve yet to watch Dark Knight tho. But from what i’ve heard from my movie kakis, i don’t think it’ll be a waste of time. Heh.

Restart. Release. Refresh.

Everyone needs to press that button once in a while. Always good to restart your machine (aka body) before it crashes on you.

It’s not enough to just go through the motions. Times when you think too much. Or felt like you’ve done more than enough. We just need to release it unto Him. Knowing that what we do, there’s a reward waiting for us up there in heaven.

I needed this. I needed a breather. I needed to not see them for awhile. I needed my time with You. I needed to refresh myself before the crazy week ahead.

Schedule :

Monday – 11-3pm : School, 7.30pm-Unknown : REVO Band Practice

Tuesday – 1-2pm : School, 7.30pm-Unknown : REVO Band Practice

Wednesday – 11-5pm : School, 7.30pm-Unknown : REVO Band Practice

Thursday – MISC work. And packing.

Friday-Monday – REVO Kota Kinabalu.

For all the times in between school and Revo KK, i bet i’d be rushing my assignments. *cheers self with pompoms* I think i need my personal cheerleader again. Come back fast-fast.

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:: what i learnt in school today ::

July 25, 2008 at 1:38 am · Filed under On Books, On Everything Else, On School

Popular culture (or pop culture) is the culture —

Patterns of human activity and the symbolic structures that give such activities significance and importance — which are popular, well-liked or common. This is often defined or determined by the mass media. Popular culture is deemed as what is popular within the social context — that of which is most strongly represented by what is perceived to be popularly accepted among society. It comprises the daily interactions, needs and desires and cultural ‘moments’ that make up the everyday lives of the mainstream. It can include any number of practices, including those pertaining to cooking, clothing, consumption, mass media and the many facets of entertainment such as sports and literature. Popular culture often contrasts with a more exclusive, even elitist “high culture”, that is, the culture of ruling social groups.Today, most adults, their kids and grandchildren “participate” in pop culture directly or indirectly.

-Wikipedia-

Popular culture, in view of, “Buffy, The Vampire Slayer”. How school justifies itself for dealing with popular culture and television.

  1. You have to teach students to deconstruct what they watch, to see through it in order to demystify it and limit its impact.
  2. You teach students how to make the media better THEMSELVES, in order to enable them to become the producers of a better, more democratic, more politically active media which would inevitably bring about the next glorious socialist revolution.
  3. You use popular culture in the classroom to seduce students into paying attention in order to get your message across about whatever it is you were trying to teach. Which probably wasn’t anything to do with the media in the first place.

The idealogy of gender. Girl power. Feminism. The idea of being strong and vulnerable at the same time. Schoolgirl by day. Vampire-slaying machine by night. Girls don’t always have to wear skirts. Would’ve been mind-blowing in 1997. Not so much now, where house-husbands exist. And Xanders are aplenty. Fyi, i do not agree on emasculation. God made men, MAN. Warts and all. I acknowledge that it DOES exist, but do not agree that it should be a norm just because the TV says so.

The idealogy of good versus evil. Humans are good. Vampires are bad. La di da. What i found funny : Buffy and Angel (yes, the *good* boyfriend ex-vampire who has his own spin-off) did “it”. He achieved the PERFECT moment of happiness during “it”. And became bad (read : lost his soul). Underlying conclusion : good men don’t exist. A particular episode on Buffy in season 2, showed that once you give men what they want, they won’t want you anymore and then, you have to go and kill them.

The idealogy of homosexuality. Lesbianism was featured rather heavily (in my opinion) in the later seasons of Buffy where Willow got a lil’ closer to fellow witch, Tara. It seems ironic how someone who was very much straight (she liked Xander in the very beginning) could end up having a same-sex relationship. Maybe it was because Xander turned her down. Hrm. I think it would’ve been so taboo 11 years ago. But you know, i do acknowledge that it happens in today’s generation. It being a *popular* culture and all. But an observation i found interesting, both Willow and Tara remained feminine during the course of the series. Nowadays, we have girls taking on different gender roles in a relationship. To the extent of a girl dressing up as a boy to BE the boy in the relationship.

The idealogy of fantasy. Vampires. Demons. Shape-shifters. They don’t exist. But there are people in the world that make-believe they do. Who is to say that vampires are always gonna be portrayed as the dashing Louis played by Brad Pitt in An Interview With A Vampire. They could be as ugly as Count Orlok from Nosferatu. Who is to say that vampire fantasies cannot be localised? Think pontianak or even, jiang shi, those Chinese-hopping undeads that gave me nightmares when i was 7.

This, is what i learnt in school today. Interesting, no?

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:: sensible ::

July 24, 2008 at 12:21 am · Filed under On Life, On Love

“I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice”, said she.

“I do suspect that he is not really necessary to my happiness. So much the better. I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than i do. I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be more.”

“…still however, i must be on my guard.”

-Emma-Jane Austen-

It’s so hard to be sensible.

“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4

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3 assignments due before Revo Kuantan. It seems that i can’t ever get away without having yet another exciting semester. *smirks to self*

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:: funny things ::

July 23, 2008 at 1:55 am · Filed under On Everything Else

Sometimes, i don’t know why i do the things i do. I just do them. Heh.

Like, praying the wrong verse. “Hope is the substance of things hoped for.” Very good, Ellie. It’s FAITH la, stoopid.

=.=”

Or, being someone else’s punching bag. I got whacked like, 4 times tonight. Twice from Mr.Tingginoch. Totally uncalled for. *boinks*

Guess i’m still learning how to respond, and not react. Hehehehe.

Things i’m still learning :

#1. One should not wear kungfu pants when one is asked to ask pray on stage. (even if it was last minute)

#2. One cannot simply whack people in front of others just because one is whacked first.

#3. One must understand that one may not be forgiven even if one apologises.

Edited : #4. One should not pout when one is reprimanded by another leader. Even if one feels that one is not at fault. That just wouldn’t be the adult thing to do.

Susah-lah. I’ve got a lot of growing up to do. Aiiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhh.

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Sunrise Jazz & Rhythm Festival this Friday, anyone? :) Or maybe Dark Knight instead? Its times like these that i feel like i’m deprived of a social life.

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:: how to save a life ::

July 22, 2008 at 3:39 pm · Filed under On Life

Have you ever felt disappointed by the choices people make?

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came.

-How To Save A Life-The Fray-

Well, i have. And i can tell you, its bloody frustrating.

And might i add, terribly upsetting. *punches pillow* Ugh. Lord, Your wisdom please.

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:: finding you ::

July 18, 2008 at 2:18 am · Filed under On Paper

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was in a quest of finding.

She walked a million miles. Looking for something. Whether it was a thing, a person, or a feeling, she didn’t know.

She just walked and walked. It seemed never-ending. But something spurred her to keep going.

It seemed, if she kept walking, she’d eventually reach somewhere. And she knows at that “somewhere”, she’d find what she’d be looking for.

One day, she stopped. She looked. And she wept.

She had found what she was looking for. Only, she was back to where she started from.

Moral of the story : Sometimes, what you’re looking for, is where you’re at.

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Alice came to a fork in the road. “Which road do I take?” she asked.
“Where do you want to go?” responded the Cheshire cat.
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”

-Lewis Carroll-Alice In Wonderland-

Yes, this is a random short story i wrote. I digress.

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:: waiting ::

July 17, 2008 at 1:23 am · Filed under On Love, On Personal Stuff

I spent a good deal of today talking about other people. Lives that i’m accounting for.

So now i’m gonna talk about the one life i’m responsible for.

In the autumn on the ground,
Between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
i watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories – whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I’ll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it’s time to walk that way we wana walk it well

I’ll be waiting for you baby
I’ll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we’re ready, til it’s right
Love is waiting.

-Love Is Waiting-Brooke Fraser-

It’s that time of the night where thoughts come together. And only You can make sense of it all.

When the time comes, i’ll post the other half of the song :)

Just for the record, i answer no questions.

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