Archive for November, 2008

:: grace ::

I have or am going to be, totally maxed out this week. 3-4 hours of sleep daily is detrimental to one’s sanity. Especially when one has to deal with kids for extended hours…i can’t imagine how i’m going to deal with my own in the future. Lol. His grace is sufficient for me.

I have or am trying…to not neglect different ones due to my busy-ness. It’s not that i want to…it’s just the fact that i have different obligations to fulfill and sometimes rest is far more exciting than a few hours of mamak talk. I wonder if i can lose friends if this carries on. And yet again, His grace is sufficient for me.

With a semester filled with more assignments than i’ve ever had before, trips for Revolution tour PLUS Revolution conference, getting involved with AYA Choir, balancing Christmas and Awards activities during exams and the weekly happening stuff that i do…i managed to pull 2 Distinctions and a pass. I praise God for His grace and mercy…that is still sufficient for me.

I’m just so amazed with You :)

For those that have suffered the wrath of my frustrations and impatience, i sincerely apologise. But heyhey, God’s grace is sufficient for you too :D

Leave a Comment

:: standing still ::

There’s something about working in the wee hours of the morning.

It’s quiet and loud at the same time.

It’s too early to say goodnight. Don’t we all look like we feel?

Leave a Comment

:: pondering you ::

Rainy seasons. It’s an excuse to stay in, all wrapped up with a hot cup of Milo…to think. I’ve been thinking of the years to come, the plans i have…the talks i have with God…and it all boils down to…”trust Me, and I’ll take you there.” That’s right. He’ll take me there. Not me. And my own selfish dreams.

On growth…

…i was reminded a few days ago on how i’m the youngest in C72 leadership. It hit me like a rock for some reason. Feeling inadequate comes so easily…sometimes i wish i could be proud of how much i’ve grown these 3 years. And it’s not that i’m not capable. Rather, its the lack of belief that i can. Paul said to Timothy, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” – 1 Tim 4:12. I’m really trying i guess, and apart from anything else, i guess i have to learn that i draw affirmation from God, not from men.

On faith…

…sometimes its so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s like, we can try every method, every way, and yet…it won’t be enough to see the results you THOUGHT you wanted. Surrendering is all that i could do. Surrendering is what i wish you could bring yourself to do. Not by might, not by strength. But by His spirit. I like how Hebrews 11:40 says, “God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”

On love…

It’s my caution, not the cold
There’s no other hand, that i would rather hold
The climate changes, i’m singing for the strangers about you
Don’t keep time, slow the pace
Honey, hold on if you can
The bets are getting surer now, that you’re my man.

-Love Is Waiting-Brooke Fraser-

I imagine Anne of Green Gables probably never thought over the years of her friendship with him that she’d ever marry Gilbert Blythe. I don’t think she’d be gladder if she knew she was going to, either. So i’ve conceded that surprise is a good element when it comes to these matters. I’ve heard of so many wedding stories…*love* stories that could make any heart melt…to know that God has the upper hand in everyting and i also like how its written, “True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life.’”

I’m contented. I’m gonna make the most of these *happy* thoughts while i can. Coco lava is a very happy-fying thing too ;)

Leave a Comment

:: why i love chick flicks ::

They have some of the most…in-your-face lines at times.

“I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.”

They don’t always resemble real life. But you could imagine.

Arthur Abbott : Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.

-The Holiday-2006-

I’m looking for corny in my life.

Comments (1)

:: realisation ::

It hurt…but it’ll pass. I know i can laugh it off, it’s just taking me a little longer than usual. Thank you, for speaking sense and sharing your life with me.

It felt good to laugh…without people trying to guess on how i’m actually feeling. Madagascar was hilarious. Go watch it please. It cheered me up :)

There was a feeling that i tried to grasp. And I let it go.

I’ve never felt this way before. It feels a lot like being set free.

Leave a Comment

:: forget.accept.expect ::

I had the whole day to think of what you said. And i can only conclude that…you just don’t understand and i can’t expect you to miraculously do so.

Some wise words from a friend i’ve never met before :

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

“In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die, and the choices that we make are ultimately our responsibility.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

I choose to forget the past, accept the present and expect the future. And i choose, to travel light on this journey of life that He’s set apart for me.

Note to self : Baggages only give you backaches and a whole lot of discomfort. Emo-ing scares people away. And, crying is a very unattractive past-time.

Won’t you smile with me? :)

Leave a Comment

Protected: :: enough is enough::

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


Enter your password to view comments

:: ouch ::

It’s funny how words can have such an impact to your mood/spirit/attitude.

It hurts. Especially since i don’t know exactly what i did, or what i’ve been doing to give that impression.

Oh wells.

**************************************************************

On a lighter note, i do believe AYA Awards was a success. It was certainly interesting being a co-MC as well as part of the choir. I messed up a little in both, but overall, i guess i did okay :) According to everyone, i certainly *looked* okay. Heh. A huge thank you to the team (from dress to hair and makeup that made me look pretty) I do think, that WE (as the entire AYA team) did a superbly mahvelous job :) Well done, volunteers. More to come, indeed. Keep ‘em doors opening, Lord.

Leave a Comment

:: oh happy day ::

*bounces* I AM DONE FOR THE SEMESTER!!!!!! *happy happy joy joy*

And you just can’t beat having lovely friends or rather, FRIEND, to celebrate your long-awaited freedom with Pods and Krispy Kremes. I *heart* you ;)

Friends, meet my new friend! His name is Toots, the elephant.

toots

Isn’t he handsome? *beams* The wise elephant who always have a story to tell…

A big thank you to the angel stuck in Aussie-land (all the best for your exams!) and the angel who brought this home for me :) I love him!

The thunder and the rain
The way you say my name
After all the clouds go by
The simple things remain
The sun, the moon, the stars
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things
The simple things just are…

-The Simple Things-Rebecca Lynn Howard-

I’m deliriously happy. And the fact that i’m gonna be on whole holiday for the next month or so…it just thrills me to the core. I sense Paddingtons on the cards real soon ;)

Comments (2)

:: blinking lights ::

I had an interesting conversation with a couple of people on standards and beliefs. And how, their alarms, or rather *my* alarms, go off at the lowest indication.

And naturally, i felt the need to write about it. Lol.

I may not have always thought a certain way throughout my years of growing up and i was/am one of those fickle-minded people you know. Double-minded? Guilty! Sometimes.

But, i don’t think that i’m fully conditioned into the way i think of certain actions, do’s and dont’s…just because of the church i’m attending. Rather, i think it’s just a reinforcement of ideals of what has already been placed before through parents, moral studies and perhaps, social circles…to a more solid ground (read : kingdom principles).

It’s certainly NOT the “i’m-better-than-you” syndrome…or “i-think-my-way-is-better-than-yours” but rather, i fully acknowledge that His way is better, His thoughts are higher (Isaiah 55:8-9). And i merely respond to certain do’s and dont’s that are probably thought of as…old-fashioned or “party-poop-ish” in the eyes of some. Heck, some might even call me a prude.

But seriously, is it wrong to hold on to principles strongly these days? Or to at least, try to? Is it deemed, narrow-minded to not want to try *new* things or be adventurous in activities of which you have no interest in?

I don’t think so.

As this may be a controversial post, i think its safe to state that these are MY stands. And thus, this is more for ME, rather than it is for whoever that reads this.

  1. I don’t drink. Contrary to the belief that social-drinking is acceptable and it’s *fun* to get a little tipsy cause it makes conversations easier, i don’t *like* drinking. And i fully intend to stand my ground in all future “do’s” in the office. God helping me.
  2. I don’t smoke. This is a no-brainer. I can’t stand the smoke itself, much less to wanna be the CAUSE of it.
  3. I don’t club. As much as i like dancing (with two left feet), i don’t believe that Malaysia’s clubbing scene is particularly conducive for dancing as a sport. The idea of being around the above things in abundance doesn’t appeal either.
  4. I don’t have flings. Relationships are precious and good things come to those who wait. Why anyone would have a summer fling (read : 3 months) instead of thinking it through and waiting for a fulfilling and value-adding relationship that could last 3 years, is beyond me.
  5. I don’t believe in sex before marriage/one-night-stands. Yes, i’ve read all about it in chicklits. Yes, immediate gratification may seem pleasurable. But it’s only for a moment. And from what i’ve read and heard, it doesn’t even last *that* long anyway. The act of making love should be something that’s…beautiful. And meaningful. Done by two people who love each other deeply and might i add, has made that union before men and God when they say their “i do’s” at the altar. Why would you give that up…for the sake of having one night of feeling someone next to you, only to feel dejected the moment you wake up to leave?

I don’t believe in putting myself in a position whereby i’d be tempted to feel more than i should. I speak, i guess, on matters of the heart. Someone wise once said, “the heart of the problem is usually the problem of the heart”. Sometimes, i make decisions…not based on the spur of the moment, rather, based on its consequences. I admit i’m a thinker, and sure, i’d love to live life on a whim sometimes, catering to every fancy…but how much joy would you find, if you know, at the back of your head, its gonna be short-lived?

Sometimes, i look at the world and i see…different ones trying to fill their lives with ’stuff’ and ‘activities’ that leaves them feeling no different to where they started. And as much as i’d like to thwap them on the head and say, “There’s a better way to live! Haven’t you heard of abundant living??”, i can’t. I can’t tell them that they’re settling for “just enough” instead of pursuing the “more than enough”.

There’s a difference between being a standard based on principles and a standard based on what is being commercially sold out there. I need to state that I’m not perfect. I’m certainly no angel either. I do *fall* sometimes. Stumble, once in awhile. But i get up and try to do better next time instead of getting stuck in a rut all over again. Instead of thinking, “Oh well, everyone in this world goes through it, might as well experience it and be ‘one of them’.” Why be the status quo when you can choose to live above that?

I write this so that someone out there would know that they’re not the only ones who think so. That it’s not weird or conventional to be having standards and alarms.

Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10,

Don’t think that I’ll hesitate a single minute to stand up to those who say I’m an unprincipled opportunist. Then they’ll have to eat their words. The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog world out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

So all hail the blinking lights! May the world see them.

Leave a Comment

Older Posts »