Archive for July, 2009

:: i wanna be just like You ::

July 30, 2009 at 1:31 am · Filed under On Dreams, On Life, On Memories

Sometimes, i feel like…i’m just too selfish for my own good. Brat? I am.

Jesus isn’t selfish. In Matthew 14, even when John The Baptist was beheaded, Jesus had to ‘postpone’ his mourning and minister to people first. Only after when he’s helped those who needed him, did he steal away to mourn.

Too often, i’ve caught myself saying or thinking…why should *i* make that sacrifice. To do something when i could do something else. To wait just a little bit longer. To drive just a little bit farther. To eat a little bit less. To watch what i say to someone when i know well he or she deserves to hear it. The phrase ‘keep the unity’ rings so clear.

God, You show me time and time again how i’m just a work in progress. I’d never be that perfect masterpiece. And yet…You give me hope that i can be.

I’m currently looking for a job. Praying, seeking…taking that leap of faith and believing that i’ll land where God wants me to be. Could’ve just taken up that ‘other’ job. But i felt it wasn’t for me. Not now. It was too easy. Too comfortable.

27But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

28Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”

29-30He said, “Come ahead.”

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”

31Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”

I could’ve taken the easier route. But He’s asking me to walk on water. And you ask me, “What got into me?”

Jesus did.

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On a random note, i absolutely love picking my brother up from school. It gives me this secret thrill in watching these kids run (literally, run, as if they’re being chased by a pack of wolves) out of school, the moment the school bell rings. They’re so cute lah. How fast time flies. It was only…yesterday, that i was 7, in grandma specs and coconut hair…eating a whole hard-boiled egg to signify the first day of school.

I think that’s when i realised how much i disliked egg yolks. I was forced to eat that whole egg. And i almost puked.

When i grow up and have kids…and if one of them so happens to be a girl? She’s gonna have pigtails. And the tradition of eating hard-boiled eggs on the first day of school? I’m gonna let it slide.

I think an apple would do just fine. Anything that keeps the doctor away should keep the barf-level stable.

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:: on cockroach alert! ::

July 27, 2009 at 4:14 pm · Filed under On Fears, On Life

I strongly dislike cockroaches. Like, really. BIG ones. Small ones. I don’t care. They’re all despised.

They smell. They scurry. They…should be squashed on. Or whacked repeatedly with rolled-up newspaper. If there was a fryer for cockroaches like they do for flies, i’d buy ten to keep everywhere.

So, it was not very nice to find out that dear ol’ Bobby (my car) had a new inhabitant that only comes out once in a while to give the owner (me) a scare. If the cockroach didn’t have a purpose before, well, now it does, it seems. Because this new inhabitant has lived in my car since…Friday, it is now Monday…and i’m convinced its still lurking around somewhere, i think i shall give it a name. Cockroach shall now be called…Mr Roach. I’m so creative, kan?

Anyways.

First encounter : On the way to pick up one of my huddle girls for our one-on-one meet-up, Mr Roach decided to pop up on my dashboard. And naturally, a normal girl who wouldn’t expect a BIG cockroach in her car, would scream and swerve a little thus, almost hitting another car on the NPE…which, i BET, didn’t have a cockroach lurking around somewhere. *mutters to self*

Second encounter : Yesterday, on the way home from dinner after SES, a friend whom i was supposed to send home spotted it on the passenger seat. And quite naturally again, i refused to drive Bobby until Mr Roach was dead. Or…’freed’. However, despite 3 very nice guys turning Bobby inside-out to look for Mr Roach, the search was in vain. I had to drive my car WITH MR ROACH inside. If you don’t know what its like to drive in a paranoid manner, someone should’ve recorded me on video last night after i sent my friend back home. Sigh.

Today, i turned Bobby inside-out again…took out all his mats, poked in every obscure spot…and stuffed pandan leaves around. Old wives apparently told a tale that pandan leaves scares cockroaches away. And did i find Mr Roach? NO!!! As of now, Bobby is in my front porch…all 4 doors AND boot open for Mr Roach to run out. If that doesn’t work, well, i’m gonna be  Ms Terminator and bring out my trusty weapon, Mr Vacuum.

Now, i’m a very busy woman. And i can’t drive Bobby because not only is it dangerous for ME (might get a heart attack), it is also dangerous for OTHER innocent people (people with heart attack will lose control of car and thus, will surely cause an accident). So, the solution to NOT driving Bobby, thanks to selfish Mr Roach, was…naturally to drive my mom’s car (since she’s resting after her surgery). Oh, for those who knew, thanks for praying!

Anyway, if you see a cobalt blue Honda CRV apparently maneuvering itself around Subang, don’t fear.

It’s probably me.

Sigh. I miss Bobby :(

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:: on picking scabs ::

July 21, 2009 at 11:58 pm · Filed under On Fears, On Life

…i never noticed how…picking at scabs, would make you bleed.

Like ‘wounds’ that have ‘healed’, once you bring it up again…you’re only allowing yourself to be more vulnerable and..well, bleed.

Funny, isn’t it? How you ‘want’ to be healed. And yet, you pick at scabs anyway.

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:: and so i thank You ::

July 21, 2009 at 1:39 am · Filed under On Dreams, On Life, On Memories, On School

It’s so funny…reading the ‘popular’ blog posts on my blog that WordPress keeps track off. Most of them had everything to do with me thanking God for my exam results.

What have you people been googling??? *laughs*

Anyways, in true Ellie-fashion, i suppose i MUST do another one. The final, final one. A Monash student i am, no longer. All by the grace and mercies of God. I passed my last finance paper which i thought was a sure-fail. I didn’t even finished the paper. But God gave me more than i asked for. Which was more than enough. And i got a Distinction for the other paper. God’s too good to me. On September 5th, i will take up my scroll with a testimony that God has given me. I honestly can’t wait! :)

‘Ancient Skies’ by Michael Gungor has been on loop since results were out. You have never changed, Your love is endless and Your mercy has remained through all the ages, You shine so bright. Nothing can compare, You made the heavens and Your glory fills the air through all the ages, You ride ancient skies. You’re amazing. Psalm 34 is so apt to describe how i feel right now.

To all of you who prayed and believed with me, thank you :) You guys have encouraged and inspired me.

Now, keep praying that i land myself a job that God wants me to be in. Heh. I’ve had my head in the clouds way too often for my own good. It’s time to come back to Earth.

On another note, Marley & Me (the book) made me cry. Darn it. When i grow up (hahaha), i want a family with a nice, big doggie. Let’s just say its an unfulfilled childhood dream, okay? ;)

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:: overwhelmed ::

July 16, 2009 at 11:54 pm · Filed under On Dreams, On Personal Stuff, On School

…..is an understatement. 

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us…” – Ephesians 4:20

I passed my exams :) To Him be the glory. 

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:: because i told you so ::

July 15, 2009 at 12:09 am · Filed under On Life, On Personal Stuff

I wish i could tell you how and why i make the decisions i make. Why i do the things i do. Why i’d prefer heading to a college for an evangelical concert instead of lounging in Starbucks, catching up with the friends i grew up with. 

I wish i could tell you why i volunteer for church…instead of earning proper money doing other things that i know i’m perfectly capable of doing. 

I wish i could tell you why i have no interest in what the world says is fun. There are just SOME things you really don’t have to try at least once. 

I wish i could tell you how precious your life is. How there’s so much more you can do because God GAVE us life and life more abundantly. How He’s given you wonderful gifts that…you have yet to tap into. 

I wish i could tell you how much God loves you…even when you screw up. Even when your heart breaks into pieces. Even when you feel like you’ve lost part of yourself in the rat race that people call ‘life’. Even when everyone is going against what you believe in. Even when you’re REALLY…on your own. 

I wish i could tell you that i’m…just as human as you are. I may smile most of the time but I DO get disappointed and discouraged. I break and cry. I get angry and say or do things i regret. I feel numb sometimes too. But i know of a greater truth that says, my ways are not His ways. Neither are my thoughts His thoughts. I’m redeemed. 

Could you see it like me? And believe what i see? Could you listen, and remember, that i love you? Only because, i told you, because i told you so. – Jonatha Brooke  

I wish i could tell you that it’s okay to have standards. And hold on to them. 

I guess this is my way of telling you so. 

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:: really? ::

July 13, 2009 at 4:29 pm · Filed under On Love, On Movies

Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it’s our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble. – Becky, Sleepless In Seattle

That can’t be true. 

You don’t want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie. Ah. 

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On another note, I think it’s totally possible to make good, clean and romantic movies. Really. 

Yes, i *am* a fan of Sleepless in Seattle. And a sucker for romantic movies. Verbal ability could very well be…Kryptonite to me in this time of day. I fear i may have too-high expectations. Oh well.

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:: on making decisions ::

July 9, 2009 at 12:37 am · Filed under On Dreams, On Life, On Personal Stuff, On Work

I don’t want just any job. Or any ‘work’. I don’t want just what’s good. I want what’s God. Won’t You enlighten me? It’s safe to say that i *am* in a muddle. To please God, or to please parents…and the thing is, i’m not sure how i can please BOTH. Or, if the decision that lies before me WOULD please both. Your peace, that’s all i ask. Hopefully, along the way…these dreams would live again. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6

Making decisions feel…so terribly grown up.

I sense another ’stepping into Jerusalem’ moment coming. Acts 20:22-24.

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:: what’s that? ::

July 5, 2009 at 12:17 am · Filed under On Memories, On Wants

I said i miss you. 

:)

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:: ohmygoodness ::

July 4, 2009 at 1:16 am · Filed under On Life, On Movies, On Music

..it’s July. 

Time moves too fast for my own good. I had a great time at Homes today. 40 people, 9 newcomers. That’s Your doing, God. Breaking out into song in the middle of teaching, it was..refreshing. Don’t know what the homies think, but OH WELL. *I* had fun. Felt like Pr Kenneth when he’s on a roll. Whee. 

Ice Age 3 was hilarious. And Ellie says, “Talk to the trunk.” 

Hanging with new people is refreshing too. As good as a McD’s vanilla milkshake. And talking about Disney with people ALWAYS makes me happy. I’m quite amused at how someone is a fan of Disney soundtracks ;) And is not ashamed. Am very impressed ;)

I’m engraving 2 Timothy 2:14-26 in my heart. 

I’m loving Gravel by Orba Squara. Happy music. Mmmm. 

I’m nuts about you. *laughs* Cute song. I want it. *hint*

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Oh, guess who has a new modem? Whee.

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