It’s been tiring. Work. And all that. Really takes some getting used to, this new life. *laughs to self* I find myself having to be disciplined, more than before. Lead me where i’m not keen to go?

Paint me royal blue and hues of gold, pull me closer, no one will know. Play with my hair till my smile glows. Its the tender hour. Its moments like these when i’m amused. Its moments like these when i’m confused. Don’t know which emotion to explore, i just know i’m needing something more. – The Tender Hour, Mia Palencia

I can’t keep pretending that *maybe* one day, something will happen.

Look at the feelings i sweep under the rug.

And that moment of longing will pass. You’re a morsel. A pretty distraction. I wish for you to go away and i wished you stayed.

There are just times where you observe what’s happening around you. And you just get so upset. Angry. Frustrated. God, You work in this situations of which i’ve no control over.

So hard to fathom the pain in Your eyes
As You’re watching Your children, doing what You despise
In pursuit of our own
We just go round and round
Another nail to our cause
We continue to pound
What are you, man, if you do not learn love
What are you, man, if you do not learn love
So hard to fathom, oh, the feelings inside
As You’re watching Your people choosing to die
You called out a warning
To all that would hear
Saying come to Me, come to Me
And I will draw near
Learn love
I must
Learn love
Learn love
Learn love
Learn love
Learn love.

-Simply Nothing-Shawn McDonald-

God, help me learn love. It seems i don’t have enough to give. And there’s, this whole thing about waiting.

I need to learn that too.

…and my heart burns…

…it burns for You.

On the rare moments such as these…i revel in being alive.

I close my eyes and this is what i feel : contented. happy. satisfied. And while it lasts, i revel in feeling this way. I wanna be obsessed with You. There’s a madness in my being.

Fill every thought, every dream. Fill me. Keep me burning with the fire of Your love. Surround me. Refine me. I burn.

Watched ‘500 Days Of Summer’ after all the hype by BenJi.

I quite enjoyed the movie. I say quite…only because i didn’t quite like the girl. She can’t possibly be representing half of the world human species. I’d be greatly insulted. One does not seduce a man…do everything possible (before marriage), create beautiful memories with a man she KNOWS feels more for her than she does for him….and then says, “You’re still my best friend”.

Dudeeeee, that’s wrong. And terribly misleading. I feel for you guys, should you have…similar experiences. Encouragement : God is into second chances :) And, these sorta girls are…exceptions. Not the general rule, i hope.

But the movie was beautiful. I enjoyed how they shot it, moving backwards and forwards. Sorta reminds me of the way we think sometimes when it comes to relationships, doesn’t it? You think about the future when you’re with ‘em. And then, you think about the past when it’s over. Non-linear thinking, indeed.

Despite it being that way, it was easy to understand. Loved the black and white bits. The ‘expectations’ and ‘reality’ bit. The random musical dance bit.

And of course, Zooey Deschanel’s clothes are AWESOME. I’m totally into collared dresses with sash now. Oh, so vintage. I’m gonna go get one. Whee :D Oh, and the soundtrack’s pretty awesome too. The Smiths, Hall & Oates and Temper Trap? Yeah, baby. And the fact that they had ‘Please, please, let me get what i want’ playing (previously played in ‘Never Been Kissed’ prom king & queen dance moment)…that got me.

I love soundtracks. So sue me.

So yes, i *quite* liked the movie. It’s prolly up your street too :)

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On a random note, I’m totally into Colbie Caillat’s “Begin Again”. Such a happy song. Okay, so the lyrics are not too happy. But, the happy tune! It sticks in your head. The contrast makes it interesting. Not so happy lyrics + happy tune = happy ME!

Oh this is not the way that it should end
It’s the way it should begin
It’s the way it should begin, again
No – I never wanna fall apart
Never wanna break your heart
Never wanna let you break my own
Yes – I now we said a lot of things
That we probably didn’t mean
But it’s not to late to take them back
So before you say you gonna go
I should probably let you know
I never knew what I had
I never knew what I had.

Yes, i’m kinda weird that way.

It’s so frustrating, sometimes. And its not like i know better. I just know that there’s something better worth hoping in.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.” – Psalm 46:10

‘Be still, and know that I am God’. That’s what You say.

I can only say so much. I’m asking You to take over and make them see. I want them to see that love is beautiful. That its worth waiting for. It’s worth waiting for the right person. God-sent. Love shouldn’t be awaken before its time. I don’t need to be in a relationship to know that when a heart hurts, it HURTS.

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.“

-Jeremiah 17:9-

You may think that i don’t know what you feel…or what you’re going through. But He does. I put my hope in Him who doesn’t change. People do that. You did.

So i managed to catch ‘The Ugly Truth’ with Elder Shirley. I’m so glad i didn’t watch it with a couple of guys. Lol. Would’ve been MAJOR awkward. I suppose the movie was entertaining…Katherine Heigl’s clothes were awesome, Gerard Butler was oddly attractive. BUT, the values of the movie was just SO wrong. And gawsh, it was so crude!

Girls, don’t shortchange yourselves yeah? You ARE worth it. Don’t believe all the rubbish they show you on the wide-screen. Wide is road that leads to destruction. Heh.

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Heading to Taylor’s CF camp in the morning at Peacehaven, Genting. It’s gonna be awesome! Looking forward to meeting new students and seeing new lives changed by God’s presence and Word.

I’m oddly happy right now. Definitely, maybe.

I sometimes wonder if this readiness, this expectation, prevents the miracle from happening. But i have no choice. He is coming, and I am here. – Clare Abshire, The Time Traveler’s Wife

I wonder too.

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I get too caught up in books, sometimes. C’mon, Ellie, back to the real world.

Got lost on the way to KL today, was late 5 minutes for my interview because i got lost *in* Central Plaza too…it wasn’t the best of days, i admit. But yet will i praise Thee. Who am i..who am i…who am i…

…that i should wait for Thy best. I don’t want to search. I want to be found.

One day i’ll say, ‘…i waited for you, and now you’re here.’

I’m hopeful. Still.

Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it’s our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble. – Becky, Sleepless In Seattle

That can’t be true. 

You don’t want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie. Ah. 

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On another note, I think it’s totally possible to make good, clean and romantic movies. Really. 

Yes, i *am* a fan of Sleepless in Seattle. And a sucker for romantic movies. Verbal ability could very well be…Kryptonite to me in this time of day. I fear i may have too-high expectations. Oh well.

I’d be the first to admit tonight that i felt…jealous. And out-casted. It was not ‘right’ for me to feel that way at all. And it’s such a waste of time. Really.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly, broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is Hell.

-The Four Loves-C.S.Lewis-

I’ve learnt that people will disappoint me. And i had and will most definitely disappoint others. Though i’d try not to. I’m learning every day how to be secured in the Lord. To know that my ultimate goal is to please God, and no one else. And when i can do that fully, willingly, selflessly…i am able to offer to others, be free to desire and be willing to be disappointed. These people who made me feel the way i felt…may never change. But Lord, my view and how i respond to them, can.

God, teach me…to be vulnerable enough to be used by You.

…i could write like this. 

It’s the kind of sleepwalk that never ends. A type of loan with no dividends. It’s a parlour game where you’re giving chase. Guess it could be called an acquired taste. I know, he knows. He calls, i go, i know. This could be an enchantment. Why don’t you tell me i’m forgiven? He calls, don’t know how i fell under his spell. I’m forgiven, lately i’ve been driven. He smiles and i give in – an enchantment. 

-Enchantment-Corinne Bailey Rae- 

It’s when i least expect anything…that You come and remind me that You’re full of surprises. Don’t tell me you can’t see what i’m thinking of. 

Then again, it’s times like these that i should be most guarded.

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It’s funny how we ask questions we don’t really want answers to. Wise is the woman who keeps her mouth shut. =.=”