Archive for On Personal Stuff

:: it would’ve been OK ::

September 22, 2009 at 1:16 am · Filed under On Personal Stuff, On Wants

…in the eyes of the world. Such a ’small’ thing…but i knew it’d make a difference in the long-run. Somewhere, sometime.

The same thing could happen to us. We must be on our guard so that we never get caught up in wanting our own way as they did… – 1 Corinthians 10:6

I never thought i’d have to think twice about something as simple. Heart-check. Why am i even still *thinking* about it? I have to admit, i’m still warring inside. The heart is deceitful, indeed. I suppose, ‘this too…shall pass’.

Looking at it one way, you could say, “Anything goes. Because of God’s immense generosity and grace, we don’t have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster.” But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well. – 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

I knew i couldn’t tell my girls OK was enough. I had to be better. It wasn’t OK to practice double standards in this occasion. I couldn’t let it slide, just because…

…*I* have to be better.

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out, try to put an end to all our doubt, try to find a way to make things better now, and maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud, we’ll be better off somehow, someday. - Someday, Rob Thomas

It’s not the ‘ugly truth’. It’s truth, pure and simple :)

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:: let there be light ::

September 15, 2009 at 1:21 am · Filed under On Personal Stuff

I’m at a place where i really don’t know what i want.

I don’t know what to apply for…i can’t even tell you what i’d *like* to do for a living. It’s scary…everything’s gonna be so new. I can’t fall back into the routine i know. But i knew growing up had to be done…sometime.

Do the things that you always wanted to, without me there to hold you back, don’t think… just do. – You Could Be Happy, Snow Patrol

I just wish it wasn’t so soon. I gave myself till October (which is looming near). And i have nothing. Yet.

Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep…

I dream.

…and the Spirit God was hovering over the waters. – Genesis 1:2

Ah, hover over me, Lord. Show me. Teach me to wait. Let me see the light that’s good.

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I’m envious. I see her, and i wish i could be that way. Less self-conscious. Less guarded. Less…me.

I haven’t been comfortable in my own skin lately.

I’m hopeful. Still.

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:: oh doof ::

August 14, 2009 at 1:33 am · Filed under On Personal Stuff, On Wants

Me and my big mouth. I should really watch what i say…and what i don’t.

Here’s to working on all that needs ‘working on’.

God, i don’t want to have lizards in my life. Get rid of them please? In Jesus’ name, amen.

On a random note, i want a Doof :) Hit me, babay. Someone’s birthday is coming soon. Tralalalalala.

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:: overwhelmed ::

July 16, 2009 at 11:54 pm · Filed under On Dreams, On Personal Stuff, On School

…..is an understatement. 

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us…” – Ephesians 4:20

I passed my exams :) To Him be the glory. 

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:: because i told you so ::

July 15, 2009 at 12:09 am · Filed under On Life, On Personal Stuff

I wish i could tell you how and why i make the decisions i make. Why i do the things i do. Why i’d prefer heading to a college for an evangelical concert instead of lounging in Starbucks, catching up with the friends i grew up with. 

I wish i could tell you why i volunteer for church…instead of earning proper money doing other things that i know i’m perfectly capable of doing. 

I wish i could tell you why i have no interest in what the world says is fun. There are just SOME things you really don’t have to try at least once. 

I wish i could tell you how precious your life is. How there’s so much more you can do because God GAVE us life and life more abundantly. How He’s given you wonderful gifts that…you have yet to tap into. 

I wish i could tell you how much God loves you…even when you screw up. Even when your heart breaks into pieces. Even when you feel like you’ve lost part of yourself in the rat race that people call ‘life’. Even when everyone is going against what you believe in. Even when you’re REALLY…on your own. 

I wish i could tell you that i’m…just as human as you are. I may smile most of the time but I DO get disappointed and discouraged. I break and cry. I get angry and say or do things i regret. I feel numb sometimes too. But i know of a greater truth that says, my ways are not His ways. Neither are my thoughts His thoughts. I’m redeemed. 

Could you see it like me? And believe what i see? Could you listen, and remember, that i love you? Only because, i told you, because i told you so. – Jonatha Brooke  

I wish i could tell you that it’s okay to have standards. And hold on to them. 

I guess this is my way of telling you so. 

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:: on making decisions ::

July 9, 2009 at 12:37 am · Filed under On Dreams, On Life, On Personal Stuff, On Work

I don’t want just any job. Or any ‘work’. I don’t want just what’s good. I want what’s God. Won’t You enlighten me? It’s safe to say that i *am* in a muddle. To please God, or to please parents…and the thing is, i’m not sure how i can please BOTH. Or, if the decision that lies before me WOULD please both. Your peace, that’s all i ask. Hopefully, along the way…these dreams would live again. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6

Making decisions feel…so terribly grown up.

I sense another ’stepping into Jerusalem’ moment coming. Acts 20:22-24.

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:: play the limbo ::

June 30, 2009 at 10:54 pm · Filed under On Everything Else, On Fears, On Life, On Personal Stuff, On Work

…or do the conga. Hah. I find myself to be in QUITE of a limbo lately. 

The ‘anxious waiting for results’ and…’misguided truths of working’ has been haunting me. Still. I really am trying to ‘live’ as God has purposed me to, but…it’s hard to make decisions on what you’d like to do when there’s no…closure. 

Thus, the limbo. I’m moving forwards and yet…bending backwards. Sigh. With God’s grace, i’m praying i won’t be one of those who fall on the ground. And lose. 

BUT, on to happier things! I shall give minute updates on myself since….i’m rushing to sleep by 11pm. Just because i CAN! Whee. 

  1. I’ve started working part-time on Tuesdays and Thursdays in CKJ Logistics, my dad’s friends company in Kelana Jaya. I do…whatever i’m asked to do there. Lol. If you’re around SS6, gimme a call and we can do lunchies! 
  2. I just finished reading “The Last Lecture”. Ate some good nuggets in there. My favourite : Somehow, with the passage of time, and the deadlines that life imposes, surrendering becomes the right thing to do. – Randy Pausch 
  3. I’ve still got two more books to read and thoroughly enjoy, considering the ‘lack of internet’. 
  4. I’d be volunteering in AYA still. Doesn’t feel like i’ve stopped. But yeah, if you’re in SS15 too, gimme a call and we’ll do another round of lunches. Wednesdays and Fridays good? ;) 
  5. I’m learning to enjoy God and really just spend time with Him. It’s amazing how time flies when..you’re having fun :) Only You can make me whole, give me strength to make me grow…come, Holy Spirit, fall afresh on me. Nothing like mercies that are new every morning to get you started! 

On another note, i’m learning to ignore everything people say…and to only pay attention to what people do. Here’s to taking time off from people and…gathering my thoughts again. I’ll just wait it out. Maybe this ‘break from the internet’ has a different purpose from what i expected :)

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I’ve been on Lifehouse mode. Call me emo…but. 

And i will walk on water.And you will catch me when i fall. And i will get lost into your eyes. And know everything will be alright. - Storm, Lifehouse

It’s nice feeling safe. Would it matter if it was only evoked by a song? I wish. 

*throws clutter away from brain*

Everything will be alright.

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:: of offerings ::

June 24, 2009 at 1:40 am · Filed under On Books, On Life, On Personal Stuff

It’s been an interesting week. Supposedly celebrating my newfound freedom, i guess i’ve yet to do what i’d USUALLY do on a holiday. Have yet to go shopping, or watch movies, or hang out till late night (not that its necessary, but its more to the fact that i CAN), or…randomly making trips to far-off places just to find food. Maybe cause my kaki’s are either working…or…overseas. Lol. Oh well, at least Aileen’s back! And yay! You’re not quarantined. *laughs* 

I’ve been feeling challenged this past week. And…all i can say is that..God had to deal with that. Sooner than later, i suppose :) And i’m..so thankful, that He did not forget me. As i worshipped after last Sunday Evening Service, on my knees…He did NOT forget me. And…once again, i needed that. He’s given me that confidence. He poured out His presence. Jesus didn’t die for me so that i can worry. I’ve repented. If any of you see me worry with regards to a particular matter, you have permission to thwap me with a bamboo shtick. 

Anyways.

I read something which i wanted to share. Something which i was challenged to do in my quiet time. Something which…i’d love to work on. 

The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come – unguarded, undistracted – and be fully present, fully engaged with whoever we are with at the moment. Have you noticed in reading the gospels that people enjoyed being around Jesus? They wanted to be near Him – to share a meal, take a walk, have a lingering conversation. It was the gift of His presence. When you were with Him, you felt He was offering you His heart. When we offer our unguarded presence, we live like Jesus. And we invite others to do the same. 

-an excerpt from Captivating-John & Stasi Eldredge-

I’d love to do that. I was challenged…to truly share myself and be totally at ease, NOT thinking about other things when i’m with people, especially with people who…need me to be ALL there. I guess i should be honest to say that i’m naturally a private person (yeah, for a person who BLOGS, i know). And i only share stuff with…a small group of people. However, i was made to realise that…i ain’t gonna glorify God when i don’t speak about what He’s doing in my life. My testimonies are not testimonies until i testify. And…relationships can’t be built…until there’s a foundation of…trust, a little bit of give and take. Thus, i solemnly promise that i will try to give my unguarded presence to whoever it is i am with at that moment. Be it my family, pastors, leaders, friends. There’s a need to focus on people. And God helping me, i’d like to share a meal, take a walk and have lingering conversations with you :) 

God’s challenging me…to offer me.

I’d add a disclaimer…but…i’m gonna assume that this post will be interpreted wisely ;)

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:: now what? ::

June 16, 2009 at 3:30 pm · Filed under On Dreams, On Personal Stuff

I tot i’d feel relieved. But i feel scared :( So many what-if’s that i have no answers to. 

God, what do i do now?? 

*hugs knees*

Edited : YWA jokes are not appreciated. Not now. Just give me time ok?

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:: oh cyber ::

June 7, 2009 at 6:22 pm · Filed under On Fears, On Memories, On Personal Stuff

Cyberjaya needs revival. 

And better road signs. 

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I discovered one of my deepest fears from today’s ‘adventure’ though. 

I’m afraid of getting lost. Like, seriously. Physically lost…and perhaps, that can apply spiritually as well. I am AFRAID of getting lost and having no sense of direction. The feeling of not knowing where to go (in life), who to call upon (God) and the FACT that i had not enough petrol (strength/Holy Spirit) = that lousy feeling of helplessness. Plus, i lacked sleep and had a headache (distractions). All i wanted to do was go home (and be like Mary). 

Thank God i DID have people to call (leaders/friends). *Thank you, Jack & Kuan Cheen :) 

If it wasn’t because i had *someone in the car with me, i’d prolly had pulled over to the side of the road, cried and gave up. 

I’m so glad i’m home. 

*We really can’t do life alone.

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