:: of love and uncharitable speeches ::

I realised of late, i’m very easily angered. Every little thing that does not go my way irks me. Even if someone looks at me in a way or manner that i *think* is not right, i’d be angry at that too. Not to mention, what that particular person SAYS, it’s even worse.

I’m really amazed by a person’s capability to be patient. To love and just give without question. I’ve learnt a lot from my leaders and from the people that i’m leading. Some of them have such a genuine capability to love. Some say, “green girls are meant to mother.” In other words, meant to love. Lately, i feel that i’ve been far from that. Don’t know if it’s because i’m PMS-ing or if i’ve just forgotten to ask God how.

A leader once told me, she found it so hard to love. It wasn’t her nature to love just everyone and anyone. It wasn’t her nature to give and give without question. For me, it’s always been easy to love the lovable. But where’s the challenge in that right? Anyway, that particular leader shared how when she needed to love, she prayed and asked God to give her that strength to love. On her own, she can’t. With God, all things are possible.

It isn’t possible to love and give by your own strength. We need God to expand and stretch our capabilities to love. We need God to first fill us with His love, that we may have love to give others. Otherwise, we’d just be drained. Otherwise, we’d just be easily angered. And dissatisfied. And then, resentful. I can tell you that those are not very nice feelings :) It also leads to uncharitable speeches because dissatisfaction *has* to be voiced out one way or another. If not by words, it will be by actions. Something that God has revealed to me that i was doing.

Been praying myself as to why i just feel constant annoyance towards people and what they do, and God says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” (James 1:19-20) He says, “Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)

I had to go back to basics and learn again that, “Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:5-7)

Sometimes i forget that all i have to do is ask God. And He’ll give it to me. Sometimes i forget that i’m still being moulded and changed for Him and by Him. Sometimes i forget that other people are probably going through things that i don’t know about and i just assume they wanna rub me the wrong way on purpose. Sometimes i forget what it means to read His word and apply.

Sometimes i’m just blissfully ignorant and forget what it means to love and give love without question. Without being loved in return. I have seen and experienced it. I guess it takes God to really show it to you.

Anyways, to those of you whose toes i’ve stepped on through my uncharitable speeches and actions, i pray that you’ll forgive me. Love, after all, keeps no record of wrongs, yes? :)

Or if that doesn’t work… “I’m pretty sorry with loads of java chips on top?” :( Coffee?

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“You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we’re doing it.”

-Neil Gaiman-