:: to be or not to be ::

I’ve been feeling like Mei lately.

Ellie is me from 10am to 10pm. Mei becomes me during all the times when i’m not with people. Or generally, after 10pm. Until i need to become a normal campus student again.

For the first time in my university years, i submitted my assignment late. By one day. It kinda sucks knowing that it *could* have been avoided. And i solemnly vowed in the beginning of the semester, that i’ll never do such a thing. And yet. Lols. I fail myself sometimes. But it felt very much like something Mei would do.

Thing is, I’m not sad. Just a little bit miffed. But not overly depressed as i thought i would be. God knows how *badly* that piece of work was anyway. Pffft.

Which brought me to another thought – I’ve changed.

I think i’m becoming more and more like Mei lately. Someone who is less afraid of things. More willing to adapt to changes. The one who’s learning to say NO. Ellie always says yes to things.

I can’t tell if i like the changes. Obviously, this is Ellie speaking.

But i do like harbouring thoughts such as these :

#1. Running around in the rain, singing “Kiss The Rain” at the top of my lungs.

#2. Dancing under streetlights in the middle of the night, observing shadows that are being cast down.

#3. Going to a bar and people-watch. Wondering why so many campus students would wanna waste their lives with spirits. (heehee, cool pun no?)

#4. Driving late nights with Lite FM accompanying me with its lovely smooth lounge and jazzy selections. The urge to just take off and drive to somewhere far far away is so strong, i have to pinch myself to convince myself that it’s NOT a very Ellie thing to do.

#5. Wanting so bad to go to a beach again. Watch the sunset, and sink my toes into soft warm sand. It’ll be so sweet to go to Phuket again. It was lovely sleeping on the beach and diving into lagoons where the depth was unknown and its contents were unknown too :D

Or maybe, just driving up to Genting for a one-day trip to spoil myself silly on the SpaceShot.

Randomness : It’ll be nice if someone bought me cotton candy too. I wonder how toffee apples taste like.

But i realised one thing, i can’t do these things alone. I miss having someone to cater to my every whim and fancy. Okay, maybe not cater. But to teman me fulfill every whim and fancy.

When are you coming home? :(

Or maybe i should be asking, will you ever come?

Note to self : What you don’t have or have never done, you can’t possibly miss.

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One thought on “:: to be or not to be ::

  1. Hey Ellie! We’re all changing my dear! some ways for the better some ways for the worst, I was once stuck in the past but now im learning to accept the fact that nothing stays constant forever! But whatever it is, in many ways ur still the Ellie I knew from years ago *smiles* and we still lurve u me dear!

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