:: no reason ::

I read an interesting excerpt from Paulo Coelho’s “Veronika Decides To Die”. Sounds so morbid, doesn’t it? Morbidity has been capturing my interest lately. Heh. Anyways, here goes the excerpt :

“Yes, you asked me if i knew what being crazy meant.”

“Exactly. This time i’m not going to tell you a story. I’ll just say that insanity is the inability to communicate your ideas. It’s as if you’re in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything that’s going on around you but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because  you don’t understand the language they speak there.”

“We’ve all felt that.”

“And all of us, one way or another, are insane.”

I found that interesting, for some reason. Kinda reminded me of the time when i was stuck in Macau International Airport on my way back from HK and i found out my flight was gonna be delayed by 3 hours. I couldn’t find a public phone to let my parents know i’d be late and i couldn’t ask because i couldn’t speak the language. Or rather, i DID ask (in English), and all i got was blank faces. In the end, i just sat back down, contemplating lashing my fury at a neighbouring aunty who was yakking away in Mandarin (who so obviously was in Macau for only one reason) or just stamping my foot and swallowing my anger. I also concluded that Chinese people can be really proud of their mother tongue.

But no, i’m not insane. Though, i must say that i’ve “felt” insane. We all do. At one point or another. I thank God for His grace.

Anyways, I spent the first 3 days of my Easter break, feeling very sick. Was down with fever and ‘the works’. My nose was runny, my head was heavy, my ears were/are blocked that everything sounds echoey. Have you ever felt that fear of having a sore throat and thinking that you’d lose your voice forever? I do. Or rather, did. It worried me much when i was croaking to my mom that i’d willingly eat porridge if that’s what it takes to get my voice back. (I hate porridge, see).

But being sick had its perks. The being able to lie in my bed all day and no one would disturb you cause you’re ‘resting’. The ‘don’t-want-to-think-about-assignments-which-i’m-supposed-to-be-catching-up-on-because-i’m-having-a-raging-headache’ excuse kinda felt nice too. It’ll prolly sink in later that i only have tomorrow to do ‘something’ about it since i’ll be leaving for Taiping on Friday till early Sunday morning. And then it’s a whole day of church. And THEN, it’s back to school again.

Ta-da. It’s a vicious cycle indeed. I think there was a reason why i got sick.

And that reason would’ve defeated the very purpose of what i’m doing right now. Which is…taking ‘rest’ time..to do something as unprofitable as blogging in the wee hours of the morning.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

**********************************************************

I have this sinking feeling, something’s weighing me down…

I know i shouldn’t hold on. Especially to something as temporal as this.

Have Your way here, keep me afloat coz i know i’ll sink without You…

It seems that i’ve become a stiff-necked person. Clinging to things that are not of fundamental importance. Maybe realising that i’m not in control of everything…has made me fragile in Your hands again. I’m really afraid of sinking. What if…? I really shouldn’t be caught up with the what-if’s of life.

Sigh. Throw me a lifeline.

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