I’d be the first to admit tonight that i felt…jealous. And out-casted. It was not ‘right’ for me to feel that way at all. And it’s such a waste of time. Really.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly, broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is Hell.
–The Four Loves-C.S.Lewis-
I’ve learnt that people will disappoint me. And i had and will most definitely disappoint others. Though i’d try not to. I’m learning every day how to be secured in the Lord. To know that my ultimate goal is to please God, and no one else. And when i can do that fully, willingly, selflessly…i am able to offer to others, be free to desire and be willing to be disappointed. These people who made me feel the way i felt…may never change. But Lord, my view and how i respond to them, can.
God, teach me…to be vulnerable enough to be used by You.