:: the not-so-sparkly parcel ::

I’ve been wanting to write something. It was supposed to have been written in time for Valentine’s Day but of course, life happens. And WordPress waited for no woman. Heh. Was inspired by this short excerpt i read from Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage by Elizabeth Gilbert. The same author of the Eat, Pray, Love fame. One of my BBW random buys. 

“People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.”

I see different ones going in and out of relationships and i think to myself, “How do they do it? Is there something wrong with me that its so hard to find someone compatible enough? There really are not many choices around.”

Or worse, why is it that ‘finding someone’ no longer a primary goal? Honestly, it’s not even secondary. Being almost 27, that should..raise some eyebrows, yes? No. Not really. Not mine at least. The excerpt above was in reference to finding a ‘parcel’. A person as a whole. Not knowing what you’ll find in that parcel because you have hope and expectation that it’ll carry a few sparkly gems but mostly, not so sparkly ones. An old adage has been known to say, “Plant expectations, reap disappointments”. Depressing, indeed. But nevertheless, there is some truth to it.

And like Ms Gilbert wrote, sometimes its not just about the sparkly gems. But the not so sparkly ones and what can you do with them. I relate them to caring for my huddle. All of them to me, amazingly sparkly gems. But, like every other person, especially myself, we’ve got not so sparkly sides. And that’s the real part of being a parcel, isn’t it? You are not always going to get the things that you want. But TOGETHER, being in a bundle, a mixture of the good and not so good, you ARE that parcel. The way God has packaged you to be.

And how you as that parcel as a whole can be a gift to someone, now, that’s the miracle. That’s the truth of finding someone. That’s the truth of accepting someone. I admit i’m probably not the best person around that while i judge how someone is not compatible for me, different ones are probably deciding the very same thing with regards to me. And that’s the truth. I don’t blame them and neither do i chastise myself for having similar thoughts.

But, here’s the crutch to my thoughts: even if i CAN accept the flaws..the all in all…of someone, there’s this thought that he simply does not exist. The person i imagine being the absolutely perfect parcel, is a culmination of the few amazing men that i am proud to have known and given my heart to at one point for some duration of time.

It would be too much to hope for, wouldn’t it? Plant an expectation, you reap disappointment. 

So i trust You and hang on to the fact that You’ve never failed and You won’t start now. A short conversation with a dear friend sharing about how in moments of desperation, that’s where ‘it’ happens. ‘It’ being love. I content myself that i’m simply not there yet. I don’t need another heartbreak to fall.

I will not awaken love before its time.

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