:: thank God ::

Been missing in action lately, i know.

Got quite a scare today. I just realised…i could’ve died. Instead of Jesus taking the wheel, Jesus took the brakes. Literally. Will share more when i’m not so dazed. All you need to know is…i’m safe. And still sound. I hope.

Work’s been busy. Trying to squeeze in more time for myself whenever i can. But really, time for myself ends up being me, sitting on bed, daydreaming. Anxious dreams.

It’s U-Turn. I’m daniel-fasting again. Everytime i see McD’s, i go nearly wild. And i literally dream of chocolate. Another 12 more days. Believing for my breakthroughs. I think…U-Turn has never been this tough, nor meant this much.

*****

I’m being stretched. Beyond my imagination. Sometimes, i feel, even beyond my capacity.

And I ask myself everyday, why do i still care. Trying very hard to remember, whose i am…and where i want to be.

:: verbiage ::

I’m insanely exhausted. But it’s oh, so worth it. I SEE it. Speaking it. And, sowing it.

*****

I miss all the little things. I really never thought they’d mean anything.

Now. More so than ever.

:: earth turns slowly ::

This whole week…flew by, without me knowing. Funny how 2010 starts off…’busy’. Work. And more work. Lol! It’s nice having things to do. I never did like being idle but…i’m appreciating the breather tonight. Staying home and filling my calendar with important dates. Thoughts of the day : 2010 is gonna be amazing.

I wanted to write a proper new year blogpost. And i stopped myself for some reason. Guess only You know the plans You have for me this year :)

I have ONE new year resolution though! And that is : To be fully present wherever i am and whoever i’m with. Am inspired once again by Tuesdays with Morrie, on how he dealt and connected with people. And i wanna do that. I find myself daydreaming too often. And i WANT to be fully present.

*****

I’m addicted to Fireflies by Owl City. Overplayed, yes. But as of now, it’s an earworm  i can’t get rid of.

I’d like to make myself believe…that planet Earth turns slowly. It’s hard to say that i’d rather stay awake, when i’m asleep. Because my dreams are bursting at the seams.

I find myself being more guarded than before. Give me time. Maybe i’ll be more ‘fun’ as i learn the art of being fully present. I want to be able to feel like i have something to offer. And perhaps when i learn that, flowing with everyone else should be much easier.

I hope.

*****

I’d love to watch ten million fireflies. Sit on a swing. Wear a flowy green dress. And run barefooted. I feel liberated, just even imagining that i could do all these things. And i think of You. Oh, i love.

:: the power of a true story ::

I’m believing for a life-changing night at AYA Awards tomorrow! Its so inspiring to hear all the stories of the finalists…what makes them tick and how THEY would continue to inspire others. AYA Awards is just a stepping stone in allowing them to tell their stories, encourage and inspire others who aspire to get their own breakthroughs. I see seeds being sown. Lord, Your will be done even right now as preparations are *still* being made ;)

truestory

Mich and i will be heading the Finalist Attendants team and i’m personally looking forward to meeting each and every one of them! Amazing people. Some of whom i’ve met a few years back…it’s amazing how our paths would cross again :) This time through an avenue i believe whole-heartedly in.

I’m excited! :)

I start work in my new job officially on Monday. Another exciting journey and chapter ahead :) Am believing for my own story!

:: capture me with grace ::

That’s the word i keep hearing lately. God, You capture me with grace even as i am being led into this new phase of my life.

You are the source of life, I can’t be left behind. No one else will do, i will take hold of You… – Rescue by Desperation Band

I’m fearful and excited at the same time. Fearful, that i might not live up to my own expectations of how a young working adult should lead her life. Fearful that i might not be an influencer but instead, be influenced. Fearful that i’m just not…’good enough’.

But God, Your ways are higher than mine. Your thoughts are higher than mine. I shall not limit You by what *i* think. I will not limit your blessings over my life. I trust that You opened this door for a purpose that i do not know yet. I have no other options to compare this one to…and my dateline is Monday. And so, i’m gonna trust that this is what You have in mind for me at this point in time.

The Lord is my shepherd, i shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters., he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil. For You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. – Psalm 23

I can’t help but wonder though.

It may not be the way i would’ve chosen, when You lead me through a world that’s not my home. But You never said it would be easy…You only said i’d never go alone. – Ginny Owens ‘If You Want Me To’

Here i am, Lord :) I’m responding. Your kingdom come, Your will be done in my life.

6.30am mornings. *cheers* There but for the grace of God, go I.

:: drawing near ::

There are just times where you observe what’s happening around you. And you just get so upset. Angry. Frustrated. God, You work in this situations of which i’ve no control over.

So hard to fathom the pain in Your eyes
As You’re watching Your children, doing what You despise
In pursuit of our own
We just go round and round
Another nail to our cause
We continue to pound
What are you, man, if you do not learn love
What are you, man, if you do not learn love
So hard to fathom, oh, the feelings inside
As You’re watching Your people choosing to die
You called out a warning
To all that would hear
Saying come to Me, come to Me
And I will draw near
Learn love
I must
Learn love
Learn love
Learn love
Learn love
Learn love.

-Simply Nothing-Shawn McDonald-

God, help me learn love. It seems i don’t have enough to give. And there’s, this whole thing about waiting.

I need to learn that too.

:: consider me ::

I’m here waiting for, something better just to come along
I’m here waiting all this time, waiting for the world
To change it’s mind.
I’m here waiting for something better to come along
I’ll take a chance on you, you take a chance to…

…consider me, consider you, consider the world
And what we put it through.

-Consider Me-Prime Circle-

Relief is an understatement. What am i waiting for?

Him to move.

:: if i could sing ::

…a song for a performance, i’d do Gravity by Sara Barailles.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t wanna fall another moment into your gravity. Here i am and i stand so tall, just the way i’m supposed to be. But you’re on to me…and all over me.

Or at least, i think i’d be totally mesmerised if i saw Sara Barailles sing this song live. So beautiful.

:: i wanna be just like You ::

Sometimes, i feel like…i’m just too selfish for my own good. Brat? I am.

Jesus isn’t selfish. In Matthew 14, even when John The Baptist was beheaded, Jesus had to ‘postpone’ his mourning and minister to people first. Only after when he’s helped those who needed him, did he steal away to mourn.

Too often, i’ve caught myself saying or thinking…why should *i* make that sacrifice. To do something when i could do something else. To wait just a little bit longer. To drive just a little bit farther. To eat a little bit less. To watch what i say to someone when i know well he or she deserves to hear it. The phrase ‘keep the unity’ rings so clear.

God, You show me time and time again how i’m just a work in progress. I’d never be that perfect masterpiece. And yet…You give me hope that i can be.

I’m currently looking for a job. Praying, seeking…taking that leap of faith and believing that i’ll land where God wants me to be. Could’ve just taken up that ‘other’ job. But i felt it wasn’t for me. Not now. It was too easy. Too comfortable.

27But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

28Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”

29-30He said, “Come ahead.”

Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, “Master, save me!”

31Jesus didn’t hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, “Faint-heart, what got into you?”

I could’ve taken the easier route. But He’s asking me to walk on water. And you ask me, “What got into me?”

Jesus did.

******************************************************************************************

On a random note, i absolutely love picking my brother up from school. It gives me this secret thrill in watching these kids run (literally, run, as if they’re being chased by a pack of wolves) out of school, the moment the school bell rings. They’re so cute lah. How fast time flies. It was only…yesterday, that i was 7, in grandma specs and coconut hair…eating a whole hard-boiled egg to signify the first day of school.

I think that’s when i realised how much i disliked egg yolks. I was forced to eat that whole egg. And i almost puked.

When i grow up and have kids…and if one of them so happens to be a girl? She’s gonna have pigtails. And the tradition of eating hard-boiled eggs on the first day of school? I’m gonna let it slide.

I think an apple would do just fine. Anything that keeps the doctor away should keep the barf-level stable.