:: day #2 ::

Song of the Day : Things I’ll Never Say by Avril Lavigne

Thought of the Day: Sometimes, bombs fall quietly.

There’s a part of me that just feels stuck. If only there’s an ‘undo’ button instead of just a ‘reset’.

But if God says “reset” and “rest”, then OK. Let’s do that. It is the flesh that needs to come into submission. So keep calm and stay still, Ellie. No need to ‘just do’ things. You can fidget, but hold your tongue. Be thankful for:

1. Family. They’re still there even when you’re hardly at home. And they don’t get mad when you sneakily use your credit card to pay for petrol on ‘those days’ and forgot.

2. Friends. They make you laugh and squeal. And drag themselves out to watch late night movies with you coz that’s the only time you have left to do these kinda things. Plus, they love all things coffee, chocolate & commonly happy.

3. Job. You have one. Even if you’re still unsure if you should stay.

4. Ministry. You love what you do and you have 11 precious girls in your huddle. 1 more and you’d be just like Jesus. (ha.ha.ha.) Joking.

5. Sanity. Your head is still screwed on tight. You still know what’s right and wrong. What boundaries are. Someone somewhere knows exactly how you feel…so could this be the day that you take your eyes off the crowd, out of the blue? That someone’s looking right back at you. She’s not perfect but she still thinks there’s too many reasons not to try.

We’re heading into our 50th year with Malaysia’s formation come September 16th. The year of jubilee is one of God’s gracious provisions for His people, especially the poor.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” – Matt 5:3

There’s still so much to learn. We must prepare well.

:: blue moon ::

Song of the Day: Blue Moon by David Tao

Thought of the Day: “Love is an act of faith, and whoever if of little faith is also of little love”. I don’t want to be of little faith. God, restore.

T’was a good trip out in the woods :)

Rocky rides, super ‘kao’ coffee in almost every house visitation, cheeky kids and real people. Not to mention roasted ‘landak’ and ‘babi’ for tea on Saturday.

Because i’m so sensitive to coffee, i didn’t get to sleep much. And because i didn’t get to sleep much, i got to think quite a bit.

And i think, life is too short to feel wasted. Here’s to journeying hand-in-hand with God, even though i don’t really know where i’m going.

Oh well. At least i know Who i’m going with :)

:: off to the jungle ::

This past week has been so drama. Lol. So many questions. So many things to do. So many people to ‘entertain’. God, i choose to respond and not react.

Looking forward for some time (not spent on myself), out in the woods :) Pray with us! Expecting God to move in the lives of our aboriginal people.

Be back in 3 days.

:: breathe me ::

Song of the Day: Breathe Me by Sia Furler

Thought of the Day: Should you really be silent when your head is screaming?

I woke up today. That was a choice. I thank God for the ability to drag myself out of bed no matter how little i sleep.  Hrm.

This, has not passed yet. God, take this cup from me.

When will my heart and head ever agree on anything?

:: take over ::

People make choices. We just gotta live with them. The people. AND the choices.

Dealing with ‘growing up’ problems and ‘living life’, things are really taking a toll on me. Worse, i think my ‘not-being-able-to-sleep’ problem is getting worse. Slept at 4.30am and woke up at 5.30am to get ready for church. And i lasted the whole day. With just one coffee. A can one, no less.

I don’t want to be someone who used to be in your life. But i can’t help feeling like i’m getting there.

And that, i guess, is the hardest thing to deal with. That is very, very sad.

I want to go…where You lead me.

I want to know…Your ways.

Help me to live…for Your glory.

Spirit of God…just more of You.

Come and take over, God. I’ve done all i can. And i’m getting nowhere.

:: exhausted ::

I’m gonna stop trying so hard to be your friend. Perhaps, one day, you’ll understand.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I hope you’re happy.

:: how He loves us ::

I’ve always felt moved by this song. Especially by the Kim Walker of Jesus Culture version. So it’s really cool to know we might be singing this song for Good Friday & Easter services.

He is jealous for me, 
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way:

He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Thank You, Jesus…for everything :) The good and the bad, You hold my world in Your hands.

:: anthem of the season ::

Ah, so much i wish i could tell the world. But Lord, let my words to You suffice.

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make, all things, work together for my good.

I’m being still. Wash me over.

7-8“But blessed is the man who trusts me, God,
the woman who sticks with God.
They’re like trees replanted in Eden,
putting down roots near the rivers—
Never a worry through the hottest of summers,
never dropping a leaf,
Serene and calm through droughts,
bearing fresh fruit every season.

9-10“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be.”

Here’s to building rip-roaring muscles. No skinny weakling for me.

:: don’t look back ::

We won’t be young forever.

You can’t answer my questions.

I’m looking at your ‘track record’ and comparing it with mine.

Not that i’m any better. But there are questions. Issues to deal with. Things to be worked out.

So many questions i’d like to ask. And EVERY time, i have to bite my tongue. Literally.

Where is this heading to?

*****

How do you say no?

‘You SAY no. Then you move away.’